The Killing of Spiders

Inspired by my roommates...

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“Hey Beowulf, when are you going to eat Grendel?” Meli replaced the lid on the giant chocolate chip cookie and looked fondly at the frosting version of a frog decorating it. “Don’t you want to ‘kill’ him?”

Janelle turned around, flexing fingers from her typing.

“Li’l bit,” she threw out and turned back around.

“Ooh, wait, don’t do the paper!” Meli put the cookie back on the counter and scooted over to Janelle’s computer. “Go look up that Spanish guy again. He’s hot.”

“You know, some of us have a bit more to do than sit around all day and stare at hot guys,” said Janelle, with proper sarcastic emphasis as she typed the name in the search bar and clicked for images. They scrolled and gazed in silence.

“Do the video,” Meli prompted.

Janelle gave an exaggerated sigh and went to YouTube. Pressing her lips together and making exasperated faces toward Meli, she typed in “Nadal wedgie” and clicked on the link.

The video played for eleven seconds, but it only took about three for Meli to giggle and fall snorting hysterically into the big comfy chair next to Janelle’s desk.

Trying to hold back laughter, Janelle looked over to say something biting but failed and could only shake her head. She exited YouTube and went back to the paper.

Finally, Meli’s breathless laughter subsided into amused giggling, and she turned back toward Janelle to try another request.

“Waaaaaahhh—Janelle!” came instead.

“What now?” Janelle muttered, still facing the computer.

“Spider…big spider! Right there!”

Janelle flung herself around in the chair and looked over to where Meli was gesturing wildly.

“’S pretty big,” she conceded.

“I can’t kill it!” Meli wailed and tried to leap out of the deep chair.

“I can do it.” Janelle walked over to the kitchen to get a paper towel and the Windex.

Meli watched her leave apprehensively. She wrenched her head back to the spider. It moved a leg.

“Aaaaiiiiiiii!” Meli managed to exit the chair.

“Whhaaattt?” Janelle came back with the necessaries in her hand. “It’s a spider. Get over it.”

“You kill it then!”

“I will! …Wait, where’d it go?”

“Whaaaat? You lost it? Go find it!”

Janelle moved the chair. “Oh, there it is. It’s on the wall.”

Meli moved over to look. “Well, go ahead.”

Janelle held the Windex out and squirted a short spray of liquid onto the black mass. It fell off the wall and landed dripping on the floor a few inches away.

“Aaaaaaahhhhhhhh!” Meli retreated to the far side of the room and jumped up on another chair.

Janelle sent another stream at the spider, and it started scurrying in her direction.

“Ghilch! Not at me!” She waved her hand and jumped backwards. When it continued scurrying, she turned back toward Meli.

“What the deuce! Go kill it!” Meli shrieked.

“I am! Gimme a second!” Janelle shouted back. She threw the useless Windex and paper towel on the table and grabbed her shoe. She crept up on the unsuspecting arachnid.

“I—AM—BEOWULF!” she screamed as she drove the shoe down into the carpet on top of the wiggling spider.

“Yeeeeeekkk!” Meli squealed.

“Die, die, die, die, die….” Janelle continued pounding the shoe.

“Are you even hitting it anymore?” Meli yelled.

Footsteps sounded outside, and they heard the screen door open and a key turn in the lock. They both looked up and saw Lynnette open the door. Lynnette dragged her backpack into the room, then shut the door and turned to see what Janelle and Meli were doing.

“Ummmm….” She held up a finger, as if it would help her figure out what Janelle was doing holding a shoe and what Meli was doing standing on the chair.

“It was…,” Janelle started, pointing to the spot she had been pounding.

“Grendel,” Meli finished.

“Well, I guess this paper towel came in handy,” Janelle commented after the laughing stopped, scooping up the remains of the enemy and carrying them to the trash can. She threw the shoe in the corner.

Lynnette looked at Meli again with a raised eyebrow.

“It was a spider!” Meli said defensively. “Don’t look at me like I’m crazy!”

“Welllll….” Janelle let the word hang in the air as she washed her hands in the kitchen and put the Windex away.

“What the deuce?!” came from the living room.

“Hey, I didn’t actually say anything!” Janelle came back into the living room.

“No, no, no, above your head, Lynnette!” Meli screeched.

Lynnette looked up. “Aiyah!” She jumped and scurried to the other side of the room.

Janelle looked up and saw another black dot on the ceiling. She sighed.

Meli cringed, then suddenly giggled. Janelle looked at her expectantly, and she wasn’t disappointed. Meli managed to stop her hysterical giggling.

“It’s Grendel’s mother!”